The funniest thing my kid has ever said

In our latest Ask a Dad post, we thought we’d keep things light. In our dads-only group and on our Facebook page, we asked:

What is the funniest thing your kid has ever said or done?

Ok, so most of the answers involve private parts. If that’s not a deal breaker, read on:

(While giving my 4- and 1-year-old boys a bath together)
4-yo: Hey, he has such a tiny penis!
Me: Well yeah, he’s still practically a baby.
4-yo: And I have a BIG PENIS! (proceeds to pelvic thrust up out of the water)
-Richard R.

My 7-year-old daughter “got married” in first grade to a boy on the play ground. Now she’s in second grade. When I ask about him, she says, “we aren’t married anymore — he talks to other girls.”
-Nathaniel C.

I sang to my 4-year-old daughter. When I was done, she said “daddy, I could see your neck wiggle like a frog.”
-Michael P.

My kid once said, “I came out of mummy’s foo foo. I remember, I just climbed out.”
-Jon W.

My 5-year-old daughter was in the bathroom for a while, so I asked her what she was doing. ‪She said, “I’m just crappin’ and singing, Dad!”
-Cody P.

My son was 5, and we were driving by a group of teens. He mumbles to himself, “Weirdos…”
-Joseph T.

Maybe a week ago, my almost 4-year-old son came out of the bathroom, testicle in each hand, and said, “These are my balls daddy!” Mind you, we have not discussed anatomy quite yet.
-Greg W.

When my 18-month-old is doing something wrong, I start counting to three. While I’m counting, he finds anything nearby and taps his head on it and starts crying like someone is hurting him. Then he sees I’m not falling for it and stops.
-Johnny V.

My son, who was 4 at the time, walked into the bathroom while my wife was changing her tampon. He saw her holding the new, unused one and shouted, “Momma, what are you gonna do with that hot dog?”
-Eric S.

Mom: Do you want corn or carrots?
Kid: I’ve never had corner carrots before.
-Courtney L.

Kid: Daddy look at all those dildos, they’re beautiful!
Me: What?
Kid: Them, the yellow dildos!”
Me: Son, that’s daffodils.
Kid: ‪No dad, my teacher called them dildos, and she doesn’t tell us fibs.
-John S.

If I start counting to 3 because my son is doing something he shouldn’t be, he says, “No, Dad. Count to 10.”
-Jack A.

Our oldest looked at one my wife’s bras hanging in the bath room, and with eyes full of wonderment, put it on his head and said “IT IS THE BRA OF LIFE!” (my wife is large breasted)
-Barry A.

Whenever I’m not home, and my little one is looking for me, my wife will tell her “daddy is at work” or “daddy is riding his bike.” My daughters response is “No, daddy is in the bathroom.”
-Javier C.

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Ethan Ruzzano Written by:

Ethan is a former musician and artist who is in love with being a dad. He balances his time between family, work and his other passions. He lives in Denver, Colorado with his wife, Casie and daughter, Olivia.


  1. Avatar
    May 9

    Those are sooo funny. I cant wait till my little man gets old enough to say funny stuff like that – he turns 1 on may 21, 2016! Time’s going so fast.

    • Avatar
      Ethan Ruzzano
      May 9

      My daughter just turned one! Congrats to your little man, they sure do grow up fast.

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